Because Of You
by Miss Peg
Summary: What happens when Cook loves Effy too much? What happens when Emily is there to witness a fight between Cook and Freddie? Centred around Cook and Emily.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Notes: I don't know where this story came from, but it came to me today and here we are. I just had to write it. I will not apologise to anyone who has a problem with the direction I have taken the story because it's just fictional, it's just my brain doing it's thing and if you have a problem with it, then just don't read it. Thank you and happy reading.**

**WARNING: The first chapter of this story contains violence, you have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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It was dark when Cook left the club, pitch black except for a couple of street lights. He held Effy tightly by the wrists. She struggled slightly under his grasp, but her feet obeyed as he pushed her along.

"You keep your fucking mouth shut or I'll fucking kill you,"

Effy did as he said, her heart racing as she let him push her down a side street, out towards a deserted area by the river. It was even darker there.

"What are you going to do?" Effy asked, trying to stay calm, trying to figure out how much danger she was in.

"Just shut the fuck up," Cook shouted, pushing her hard against a car parked beside the waters edge.

"Effy!" Freddie's voice echoed through the street towards them. Cook stopped, looking around, searching for Freddie in the bushes between them and the main road above.

"Freddie!" Effy screamed, before Cook held a hand to her throat, pushing his palm against her vocal cords, making it difficult for her to breath.

"What part of shut the fuck up don't you understand?" he snarled.

"Please Cook," she whispered, her voice strained from the touch of his hand.

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Cook just shook his head, his eyes wild. Pulling the back door of the car open, he pushed her into the back seat, grabbing a piece of rope and wrapping it around Effy's legs, lodging another piece between her teeth to stop her from talking.

"Cook! Get off her, what the fuck are you doing?" Freddie's voice was louder, closer than before. Cook felt a hand strike his shoulder, pushing him away.

"Get the fuck off me," Cook screamed, taking a step backwards as Freddie reached into the car to Effy. Cook ran at Freddie, his head low as he collided with his side, pushing him down to the ground in a rugby tackle. His fists were out and they scuffled around.

"Don't fucking do this Cook, she loves ME, she wants ME, just accept it and move on," Freddie screamed out, reaching out to keep Cook at bay.

But Cook was too strong, too overpowering and his hand collided with Freddie's face pushing blood from him nose, forcing it out of shape.

"She will never," he screamed, punching him again and again, "ever be fucking yours,"

There was a haze in his brain, his eyes blurred and his thoughts were jumbled as the cold hand hit him again. Freddie could barely see what was happening around him, but he took a deep breath, trying his best to fight back.

"Fucking hell" Freddie screamed out, kicking Cook in the leg and pulling himself away, running a few feet before Cook's body hit him again. But he didn't punch him, or knock him to the ground. He held the collar of his shirt tightly, gripping him close, their eyes locked in a challenge, that Cook ended as her pulled a knife from his pocket and pushed it into Freddie's stomach, pulling upwards to cause as much damage as possible. Freddie gasped, his body shaking, his mouth open wordlessly as he tried to speak. Cook held his face in his hands, staring into his eyes.

"If I cant have her, I'll be fucked if I let anyone else have her, especially you," he snarled, before Freddie fell to the ground.

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Cook stared at the body in front of him. He didn't mean for it to happen, the knife was only there for protection, as leverage to get Effy to do what he asked her too. His face drained of colour, his eyes wild with regret. He span around searching the area for something, anything that could help him. But as he searched the trees his eyes fell upon a red haired girl staring down at him. His chest felt tight.

"This cant be happening," he screamed, "Emily?"

The deep eyes of the red haired girl flickered in the moonlight, her face wide with fear. Emily stood in front of a wall, she was cold and upset. It was just another day in the lives of twins, with Katie treating her like she usually did. She had to get out of the club, she had to take a breather. The cold night air had made her feel better instantly. But the sound of fighting had made her move to the wall, it made her look into the distance, her eyes adjusting to the light as she caught sight of Freddie and Cook. It wasn't unusual for them to be fighting. But then she saw the moonlight reflecting off something, something in Cook's hand, something that looked like a blade. She gasped as Freddie stopped fighting back, as the blade vanished from sight and Emily knew that it was between the two guys, pushed into Freddie's body as he fell to the floor.

"Fuck," Emily whispered, her voice barely there as she caught sight of Cook.

Cook's eyes were locked with hers, his eyes staring her down. She felt sick. Freddie was lay on the ground, probably bleeding to death and all she could do was stare at Cook. She felt her body shake uncontrollably as he lifted a hand, resting a finger against his neck, pulling it across to the other side. It was too much, she couldn't stay there, she knew she had to help Freddie, but she couldn't stand there any longer. She pulled off her heels and picked up her feet, running as fast as she could in bare feet. The sound of Cook shouting her name as his feet pounded against the floor echoed after her and she felt fearful. If he could stab Freddie, his best friend, what would he do to her? They barely knew each other. They were in the same group, but they'd never really talked.

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"You fucking get back here Emily," he snarled, chasing after her, "You fucking stop or I'll fucking stab you too,"

She ran down a back alley, searching the dark for spaces to hide, somewhere that he wouldn't see her. It was too dark. She could hear him swearing as he slowed down and she slipped behind a bin, it was the best she could do under the circumstances.

"Get the fuck back here," he screamed, standing at the mouth of the alley, he stared down the dark path, searching the darkness for that red hair. "Fuck!"

He turned around, looking for something to hit as he span around and kicked an old bin so hard he hurt his foot.

"You fucking bitch, you tell anyone about this and I'll fucking kill you" he threatened "...and your fucking sister too."

As the silence of the dark alley filled the void, his breathing coarse and rough. He stepped away, walked away from the alley. When he reached the road he put his foot down and started running back towards the car, towards Effy. He climbed into the drivers seat, not caring to fasten his seatbelt as he pushed down on the accelerator. He took one glance in the rear-view mirror, first at the body lay behind the car and then at the deep brown eyes of the girl in the back seat.

"It's just you and me now babe."

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**AN: Now I really want to know what you think...so press that review button and leave me a message.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Notes: Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciated the feedback, especially since this is a bit of a riskier story. I'm not 100% sure where the story is going, though I have a general idea. I hope you enjoy the next chapter...**

**WARNING: If you're eating, finish the food before reading...**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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Silence followed the sound of footsteps getting quieter, but the breathing didn't stop. Emily finalised realised it was her own breath filling the quiet. She didn't want to move away, scared that he wasn't really gone. So she pulled out her mobile and tried to catch her breath as she sobbed into the phone.

"Please hurry, he's been stabbed, he's been stabbed."

She told the woman on the phone everything she needed to know before sitting in silence. The sound of an ambulance and police car got louder as they arrived. Emily took that opportunity to escape from the dark alley. She knew she should have told the woman who she was, or gone back to Freddie. But she was too scared. She felt her body shake as she stepped out of the dark, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the street lights as she walked home, away from the nightmare she'd witnessed.

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The soft, cushioned feel of the mattress made her aching body feel instantly relaxed. She didn't know why it hurt so much; she wasn't really athletic, but she was fit enough not to collapse after running. Images of Freddie's body collapsing in Cook's arms made her feel sick, but she closed her eyes and tried to push away every last thought of the night. She didn't know how it happened because she didn't expect to get any sleep, but after a while, her body shut down and she felt dreams invading her unconscious.

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Blood was on his hands, on his t-shirt, in his mouth. He could see, touch and taste his actions. The actions of a criminal, the actions of a violent person. It was dark along the country road, but he kept his foot down, speeding along, hoping to get away from his mistakes. But as Effy moaned in the back of the car, screaming as much as she could through the rope in her mouth, he felt his stomach jerk. He pulled over to the side of the road, climbing across the passenger seat as he opened the door and let the contents of his stomach exit through his mouth. He wished it would have made him feel better, but the guilt and the panic was still there. He couldn't move from his position, lay across the front seat, his body feeling everything that was inside of his head.

After a while the sickness subsided and he pulled himself back into the front seat. His eyes were blurred with tears and his body was shaking from lack of nutrients. Freddie's eyes, as the knife went into his stomach, were staring at him. He closed his eyes several times, hoping to remove the image from his mind, but it held on tightly and wasn't willing to let go. Effy's scream from the back of the car made him twist around in his seat.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he snapped, his bloodshot eyes making Effy retreat and stay silent. "We're gonna be fine babe, I'm gonna take us somewhere we can be together."

He didn't know where he was going, or what they were going to do when they got there. But he continued driving, his foot pushed down firmly on the accelerator as they sped along the country lane. They had to get away, as far away as possible, it was the only way they could be together.

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There was a noise, it was quiet at first and then it got louder and louder, until something was moving her, shaking her body. Emily moaned as she hit out, attempting to push the person away. Then she felt water hit her hands and she jerked awake.

"Katie?" she asked, opening her eyes and searching the darkened room.

Her twin sister was stood over her, her face red, her cheeks stained from the lines of tears. She felt her body jerk, feeling sickness pass over her. She wanted to be sick, but she stayed where she was, sat up in bed.

"Ems," Katie sobbed, sitting on the bed beside her, "Freddie's been stabbed."

The sickness was too overpowering, she began to salivate at twice the usual rate and her stomach twisted and turned. She leapt forwards, searching for the little plastic bin that lived at the end of her bed, as her stomach overflowed. Once it was out, she felt a little better.

"Are you okay?" Katie asked, her face still stained with tears.

Emily shook her head, turning to Katie, "Too much to drink," she lied.

There was silence, filled only with Katie's sobs. Emily wanted to tell her, she wanted to tell her everything she'd seen, but Cook's words filled her mind. 'I'll fucking kill you and your fucking sister too.'

"Ems," Katie continued, "Did you hear me? Freddie's been stabbed."

"I heard," Emily sighed, pulling the covers around her chin, "Is, is he…okay?"

Katie paused, "He's in a well bad way, they're operating, they're trying to stabilise him."

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He's not dead, Emily thought. She felt instantly better. As though a massive guilty weight had been lifted from her shoulder. She took a deep breath, resting a hand on Katie's shoulder in an act of comfort.

"Do they know," Emily began, wishing she didn't have to lie, "do they know how it happened?"

Katie shook her head, "But someone saw him and Effy fighting in the club before,"

"Have the police spoken to her? Does she know anything?"

The questions were simple, but they made her feel guilty for asking them. She knew the answers, she knew that Effy wasn't there, that Cook was the one who pulled out a knife and shoved it into his best friend.

"Effy's missing," Katie informed her, "They think she might have seen who stabbed Freddie."

"No," Emily shouted, shaking her head, before retreating back behind her mask, "Effy, Effy didn't…I mean…she…"

Katie didn't respond. She was sobbing again, her body shaking with tears. Emily wanted to pull her into her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. But she couldn't do that. She didn't know if Freddie was going to be alright. She pressed a hand against her sister's back, rubbing it up and down, trying to show her comfort without feeling too guilty. Katie pulled herself onto Emily's bed and they lay there for a while as Katie cried herself to sleep. Emily turned over, away from her sister in the dark, staring at the wall. But all she could see was the moonlight reflecting off the blade.

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**AN: Thanks for reading, as I said I'm not 100% sure where the story is going, so any thoughts/comments would be really appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes: Thanks so much for the reviews, I really do appreciate them all and they help me to keep going.**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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The sun was beginning to peer through the clouds, rising to the sound of birds. Cook turned the car down a street towards a forest. The noise of the engine disappeared as he shut it off and climbed out of the front seat.

"Ill be right back," he mumbled to his passenger.

He threw the contents of his boot out onto the dirt path before pulling the sleepy Effy out of the car. He loosened the rope on her mouth and told her to be quiet.

"Cook," she gasped, looking worse for wear.

"I told you to shut up,"

"I know but I'm thirsty,"

"Oh," he replied, pulling her towards him as he lifted his belongings onto his back, leading her through the woods a little way. When they finally reached their destination, he pushed her to the ground, forcing her to kneel on the floor.

"Here," he whispered, pushing a water bottle into her mouth,

"Cook, please untie me," she begged, looking into his eyes with longing.

"Will you fuck off if I do?" he asked, searching her eyes for an honest answer.

"I don't know where the fuck we are, where can I run to?" she stated, trying to stay calm as she spoke. His face lit up and that cheeky grin she had once fallen for was plastered across his face.

"So you'll stay with Cookie, good girl," he grinned, unfastening the rope from her wrists.

"Thank you," she smiled, grateful for that piece of freedom.

There was a buzzing followed by the ringing of Cooks mobile, he pulled it into his hands and accepted the call.

"Alright JJ, what's up?" Cook stayed silent, listening carefully to JJ's reply, "Calm down, it's alright, is he alright?"

Effy frowned, wondering if she should risk shouting to JJ, she decided against it and listened as Cook ended his call.

"Ill try and get," Cook began before making noises into the phone and hanging up.

"What did he want?"

"What?" Cook asked, his mind ticking over as he thought about Freddie recovering in hospital, "Nothing babe, I just have to make a call."

Effy watched him walk away, analysing his movement as he dialled a number and spoke into the handset. She strained her hearing as best as she could, picking up on part of the conversation.

"...keep your fucking mouth...I'm serious Emily...anyone knows about Freddie...Effy and I are gonna be to..."

She looked around at the clearing, searching for some indication as to where they were. But it was a hopeless search, the trees were all the same and there was nothing else for miles around.

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Emily woke with a start, her whole body drenched in sweat. She still felt sick. At first she wondered if she was ill, before remembering exactly what made her feel the way she did. She glanced to Katie who lay awake in bed staring at her, her face full of worry.

"Are you okay?"

She couldn't speak, she wanted to say yes, to lie, but she was scared that telling Katie anything would make her guilt worse.

"Ems?" she asked, sliding out of bed and resting on the edge of Emily's. She shook her head, tears building in her eyes, forcing themselves out down her cheeks.

"Freddie," she gasped, to distressed to say anymore.

"He's going to be fine," Katie assured her, the words so far off the mark she could have laughed, "They think he's going to pull through."

Emily wanted to tell her she was talking about the wrong person, that it wasn't Freddie exactly that was on her mind, despite feeling worried about him too. But she couldn't do it. The words caught in her throat like tears at every attempt and the few words that fell from her lips were mumbles and groans. She wished Katie wasn't there, watching her carefully, analysing her face for some reason. Part of her wanted to scream out to her what had happened, another part of her just wanted to scream at her to fuck off. Instead, as the tears dried up, she lay there silently, trying her best to keep her mind as clear as possible; despite the army of memories fighting hard against her shield.

"Katie, Emily," their mother's voice called from downstairs.

Neither of them moved as the unfamiliar tone in their mothers voice created a sense of foreboding between them, they shared a quick glance which Emily tried to distinguish, but she couldn't make sense of it. Katie was the first to move, pulling herself from Emily's bed as she slipped her dressing gown around her shoulders. But Emily didn't move, she didn't want to face whatever was awaiting them.

"Katie, Emily, you have visitors," Jenna called again, making Katie pull her dressing gown tightly around her waist.

"Come on Ems,"

It took most of her energy to pull herself from the warm sanctuary of her bed and follow Katie down the stairs and into the lounge, where two suited people stood.

"Katie, Emily, this is Detective Constable Johnson and Detective Inspector Palo from the Avon & Somerset Constabulary, they're here to ask you a few questions about last night."

The five of them sat down, the twins sat on either side of their mother as the police officers asked them if they had been at the club where Freddie had been stabbed. Emily tried to answer their questions as best as she could, but as Katie answered for the both of them, she silently thanked her for making her life a lot easier.

"What time did you leave the club?"

"I left around two am, I don't know about Ems, we had a well bad fight and she fucking stormed off on her own,"

"Katie," their mum gasped, before Katie apologised for swearing.

Emily felt her words build in her throat like sickness as she waited for the officers to turn their attention back to her.

"I, I don't know," she muttered, finding it easier to lie than she'd imagined, "I was angry so I just went home."

"And you went straight home?" one of the officers asked.

She couldn't look at them, so she looked down, "Yes,"

The taller of the two men stood up first, slipping his notebook into a jacket pocket, "Thank you for your time, if you remember anything else about last night, can you please call us?!"

Their mother took the card from the officers hands and walked them to the door. Emily stayed seated on the sofa, watching as her mother and Katie talked about Freddie and how thankful Jenna was that it wasn't one of her babies. As her phone began to ring from her bedroom, Emily rushed to answer it, but as she read 'Cook' on the small screen, she regretted already pressing the answer button.

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**AN: Thanks for reading, I'm starting to find a bit of a direction for the story, so hopefully it'll start coming together in some way over the next few chapters. Please review...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Notes: Thank you all for the reviews, they make my day, they really do. I hope you enjoy this next chapter...**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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_Water was lashing up against the side of the boat, the wind was flying through their hair and beer was travelling through their bodies. Cook lay on the dirt floor, staring up at the blue sky through the trees, remembering the day when everything had changed. He could still remember Effy's eyes staring him down, challenging him to answer the question that Freddie had put out there._

"_So, what do we do now?"_

_Freddie loved Effy. Effy loved Freddie. But Cook couldn't let go of the fact that he cared about her too. He'd stayed silent, not one word between them, until JJ had interrupted._

"_Err, guys, is it me or is the Coastguard heading straight for us?"_

_There was a scramble as the three of them had stood up, searching the waves in front of them for the boat that they all found not far from themselves. The word Coastguard was printed across the side in big white letters. It all happened pretty quickly, the boat pulled up beside them and after a few heated words and Freddie needing to calm JJ down, they were lead to the nearest docking station and forced to leave the freedom of the river. The question that had lay between them still lingered as the chance to respond was gone and no one wanted to bring the subject up again._

"Did you bring a tent?" the soft, gentle sound of Effy's voice spoke as the sky above was growing dark.

"Course," Cook replied, pulling himself away from his thoughts and proceeding to set it up.

He didn't know how things had become so messed up. He didn't know how he'd ended up in a place where he didn't even know who he was anymore. Once the tent was up and Effy had slipped into a sleeping bag, he lay down beside her. His eyes were heavy with sleep, but his mind was still racing as the events of the past couple of days kept him from slumber.

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The four white walls of the twins bedroom were becoming too familiar to Emily; only leaving them for necessary reasons like eating family meals which she usually excused herself from early. Thankfully she wasn't alone in her moping, which made her grateful to Katie for inadvertently pulling attention away from her. She wondered if anyone was curious why she was struggling to deal with an incident that involved someone she barely even liked. It was understandable for Katie, but less so for her.

"Emily, its lunch time," came the distant shout of her mother from downstairs.

She groaned and pulled herself from her comfortable bed, dragging her weary body out of the room. It was a mostly quiet affair, as usual; their dad talked about his gym, their mum talked about the food and James was James.

"Gordon MacPherson says that Freddie will have a giant scar where he was stabbed and it'd be fucking cool to have a scar like his,"

Emily glanced up at Katie, who's eyes were glistening with tears. Emily could feel her heart pumping out of her chest. They usually shared a smile at James's speeches about Gordon MacPherson, but neither of them felt much like laughing. The family looked up again as James continued talking.

"He also said that Freddie is stupid for letting Katie go because she's fucking hot, I told him he's a wankshite cos your my sister,"

Rob looked at his son, his eyes fixed on James, "Reps. Now. Fifteen of them."

As Emily's brother wandered to the doorway, mumbling to himself, the doorbell rang and Jenna left the table to answer. There was a long, deafening silence as Katie and Emily sat staring at the meal in front of them like a mirror image of each other. Neither of them eating, both of them pushing their food around their plate. James returned to the table, followed by their mother and the two plain clothed police officers that had come to see Emily and Katie the day before.

"Emily, can you go and get dressed please? We need to go to the police station." Her mother muttered, her lips pressed tightly together, a look of sheer horror on her face.

"Wh..." she began to question, before Katie stepped in.

"What's going on? Why does she have to go? Why not both of us? I know as much as she does."

"Just do it Emily," their mother sighed, resting a hand on the back of her chair as she stood up.

The walk from the dining room to the bedroom felt long. In reality it only took thirty seconds, a minute tops. A million thoughts were running through her mind; _what if they think its me? What if they know I lied? What if they wanted to put me in jail for keeping the truth from them?_ There was a drumming in her ear, as the pressure built up in her head and she felt a dull ache reaching her eyes. She quickly slipped into some gym clothes her dad had bought to "motivate you to come to the gym", before she took the long walk back down the stairs.

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The tin of beans were cold, but after spending time without eating, Cook was thankful for some sustenance. He watched Effy as she ate hungrily beside him. A memory flooding his mind, making him lose his appetite.

_"Don't tell anyone,"_

_He stood in the corridor of the club, searching for Freddie who had disappeared. But he could hear his voice. Cook was about to turn a corner when he heard another voice; a smaller, higher pitched voice that sent a shiver down his spine._

_"And start the whole thing over again? I'm not stupid,"_

_"I know," Freddie spoke again, "There's so many people who could get hurt,"_

_Then there was silence, a moment which Cook hoped was just a silence. But as he moved around the corner, his eyes set on the two people he didn't want to see together. Their hands were in places they didn't normally travel and their lips firmly together._

_"What the fuck?!" he gasped, pulling Freddie away from Effy._

_"Get off me Cook!"_

_But all he could see was red. He threw a fist and caught Freddie on the cheek, sending him flying across the floor._

_"You're coming with me babe," he muttered, gripping Effy's arm and ignoring her protests as he dragged her through the crowd and out of the club._

"Why did you choose him?" he asked, scared to hear an answer to his question.

"I don't know," she whispered, "I guess I see more with him,"

"More what? If you want more all you have to do is come to Cookie, mine's way bigger than his,"

"More than that," she sighed, her face unmoving, "I want more than sex Cook,"

"Could have fooled me,"

"I thought it didn't matter,"

He felt some of his anger from that night return, so he threw his tin of beans across the clearing in the hope of removing some of his built up energy.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Cook,"

"You didn't hurt me, I don't get hurt,"

"Sure you don't," she muttered, before they grew silent. It was a comfortable silence, as though the conversation had come to an end and neither of them needed, nor wanted to start up another.

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The room was small and uncomfortable. It had dull walls and plastic chairs, the only sign of comfort was a television screen on the wall; though Emily knew it probably wasn't used to watch soaps or reality television.

"Emily Fitch," the detective inspector muttered before pushing a button on a fancy voice recorder.

"This is detective inspector Palo and detective constable Johnson interviewing Emily Fitch, present is her mother, Jenna Fitch. Interview commencing at two oh three pm."

A slight chill passed through her and she felt the familiar feeling of sickness come in waves. When they had told her they were going to formally interview her, she had wanted to tell them everything she knew. But she was petrified. The thought of getting in trouble made her feel worse, but not as bad as Cooks words.

"_I'll fucking kill you,"_

"Emily, can you tell us where you were on the night that Freddie Mclair was stabbed?"

She looked up and into the officers eyes for the first time, "I've already told you,"

The detective smiled slightly, "For the tape, if you don't mind,"

"I was at the Waterway club, on Bath Street,"

Emily answered their questions despite them being the same ones as she had already answered.

"So you cant remember at all what time you left?"

"No," she whispered, then repeated herself louder.

"And what did you do when you left the club?"

"I, I went home," she stuttered slightly, avoiding the gaze of the officer,

"Straight home?"

She started to panic, a look of sheer shock on her face. She looked to her mum, begging for help with her eyes. But the woman who carried her was awaiting her reply as much as the two officers staring her down.

"I," she began to say, but words caught in her mouth. She silently thanked the officer when he interrupted her.

"Let me make this easier for you," he smiled, a sly smile that creeped Emily out. "We have some CCTV footage of a girl that looks just like you stood outside of the club,"

"That could be anyone," Jenna piped up, but Emily knew who it was. She let her face fall into her hands.

"The CCTV shows that you spent almost fifteen minutes stood there, why did you lie to us Emily?"

"I," she began, but her mum cut her off.

"My daughter will not answer anymore questions until we have a legal representative present,"

The police officers shared a look and after one nodded at the other they turned to face her.

"Interview suspended at two twenty,"

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**AN: Thanks for reading this chapter, I can't wait to share the next chapter, it's already half done, but I hope you'll let me know what you think so far, it could give me ideas and you might have a hand at creating my story!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Notes: Thanks for the reviews, you know I love you all for reviewing, you make my day and you help me to write!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it proved longer than I'd expected and well longer than I've ever written a chapter I think.**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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While her mum sorted out a solicitor, Emily went to the toilet and felt her stomach muscles contract as her barely eaten lunch came back up. She began to wonder if Cook felt worse than she did. It wasn't easy keeping the truth hidden, if two days of guilt was making her feel sick, she wondered if it was possible to go weeks or even months without dying of exhaustion. She quickly cleaned herself up and went out to the corridor where her mum was waiting. When the solicitor arrived she listened to her mum bicker with the woman until they had to return to the interview room.

"Interview recommencing at two fifty three pm, Jenna Fitch has been replaced by a solicitor, Jane Horrocks,"

"_I'll fucking kill you,"_ Cooks threat played on her mind as the officers showed her the CCTV footage that was with no doubt, herself.

"Why did you lie to us about when you left the Waterway club?" the officer asked, clasping his hands together.

"I," she began, the words catching in her throat.

She tried to remember the solicitors words, to speak clearly and be honest. If she had nothing to hide, it would be fine. But it was easier said than done.

"I was upset," she muttered, then repeated the words clearer, "When I left the club I was upset, so I went outside to calm down and then I left,"

"Why didn't you tell us that sooner?" the officer asked,

"I don't know," she sighed, not sure how else to respond,

"Why did you run away from the club? Surely if you had calmed down like you say, you would have just walked,"

He knew, he had to know there was more to it. Her heart was thumping harder, thumping in rhythm with the beating pulse in her head.

"I, I had to...I was late for the bus," Emily lied, the words feeling rough on her tongue, she didn't know why she dug deeper into the hole she had made, but the truth was so much harder to say.

"You're lying to us again Emily," the officer glared, "We checked the local buses when searching for a witness and all of them stopped running by midnight, the CCTV places you outside the club at twelve twenty,"

"I..." she began to say, but the officer cut her off again.

"Do you realise that lying to the police is a criminal offence?" she nodded, "If you continue to withhold the truth, we will have no choice but to charge you,"

The words sliced into her brain, making her head ache more with every passing second. But Cooks words were still there, they were still clouding her judgement and they were still beating her up from the inside out.

"We received a call at approximately twelve forty two, that is roughly seven minutes after you ran from the club, the person who made that call did not leave a contact name. But it was a female voice, now I'm going to play it for you, then we can talk again about that night,"

She sat in silence, listening carefully to the recording of her voice, which filled the room. She stared at her hands as the words she could barely remember saying filled the silence.

_"Please hurry, he's been stabbed, he's been stabbed."_

"Now, Ms Fitch, can you tell me who made that 999 call?"

Her voice was small, barely audible as she first spoke, "Me,"

The officer asked her to repeat it louder, so she did.

"Is it safe to assume that you ran from the club because you witnessed a crime, then called for help?"

"Yes," she mumbled, her voice catching with tears as her built up guilt and pain came out as sobs.

"Okay, Emily, were going to take a small break,"

*

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It was beginning to rain. The ground around them was growing damper by the second and the heavens had opened, the trees around them proving an unsuccessful shelter from the natural conditions. Cook abandoned the tent and pulled Effy through the trees and back to the car, where they sat in the back seat, running fingers through their wet hair and trying to warm up.

Effy groaned loudly as she searched the pocket of Cook's jacket that she had borrowed, "where the fuck is my lighter? I think I left it in the tent."

"I'll go get it," Cook smiled, jumping out of the car and running off through the woods.

It took him only a minute or two to return, but when he did he noticed a puzzled look on Effy's face. Her eyes were glistening as though tears had caught up in her eyes. Her handed her the lighter, staring her down, hoping she'd say something.

"Why is JJ asking when you'll come to the hospital to visit Freddie?"

Cook's whole body tensed, noticing his mobile on the seat between them. He looked around, trying to avoid Effy's eyes as she stared at him, watching him, waiting for him to answer her question. He stared at the phone and began to mumble.

"I, I, he was stabbed,"

"Stabbed?" she asked, her brow furrowing, a look of realisation spreading across her face. "What the fuck did you do?"

"It was an accident, I didn't mean to hurt him," Cook tried to defend himself, "I didn't want to hurt him,"

"Then how did he end up in hospital?"

He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to answer her question, or feel the tears stinging the cut on his left cheekbone. But it happened. His whole body shook as he sobbed. Something rested on his shoulder and he glanced across to see Effy's hand resting there, rubbing his shoulder slightly as his tears continued to flow.

"I love him Efs, he's my best mate, I didn't mean to do it, you believe me don't you?"

She nodded her head, a slight smile passing over her lips as she comforted him as best as she could.

*

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The rest of the interview was difficult. Every time Emily told them something, she felt almost as guilty as when she'd kept the truth.

"So you saw someone fighting with Freddie and then the moonlight reflect off something?"

"Yes,"

"Emily, did you see who stabbed Freddie?"

She shook her head, knowing it would get her in trouble. The officer told her to speak, so she took a deep breath and amended her initial response.

Her voice was delicate, threatening to be laced with tears as she spoke, "I did but I don't want to say,"

"Emily, I'm sure I don't need to remind you how serious this is, your friend is lay in intensive care with a knife wound, he could have died. Why cant you tell us?"

"He threatened me," she whispered, before she could even think about what she was saying. The words felt good. She knew that now they knew, maybe she'd be safe from Cook.

"He?" the officer asked, before muttering to his colleague, "Emily, do you know the person who stabbed Freddie?"

She nodded, before vocalising her answer. The officers looked at her, their eyes fixed on her face, waiting for her to expand on her answer, to tell them who it was. But when she stayed quiet, Detective Inspector Palo finally spoke up again.

"How did he threaten you?"

She tried to stay calm as she repeated the words, but her voice faltered and broke with each word, "You fucking, bitch…you tell, you tell anyone about this and…I'll, I'll fucking kill you…and, and…your fucking sister too."

The officers waited as Emily wiped her eyes, pressing the tears into the sleeve of her jacket. Saying the words, repeating them out loud for the first time was harder than she'd expected.

"I can still remember it so clearly," she muttered.

The officers leant close, a slightly smile etched on their expressions, "Emily, I think you know what I'm going to ask now, don't you?"

She nodded her head, "Who was it that stabbed Freddie?"

"Cook, err, James Cook,"

"The friend," the officer mumbled to his partner.

"Thank you Emily, interview terminated at sixteen oh seven pm,"

"What's going to happen now?" she asked, starting to worry about admitting the truth, "What if he finds out I told you?"

"We will have a police car stationed outside your house for the next twenty four hours, whilst we attempt track Mr Cook down. We will do everything we can to keep you and your family safe,"

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The car was silent, neither Effy nor Cook had anything to say as they watched the rain around them bash the windows, creating rivers and streams that ran down the glass in every directions possible.

Effy's voice was quiet when she finally spoke, "We have to go home Cook,"

"No," he gasped, turning to look at her for the first time,

"What you did was wrong, but it was a mistake, you weren't thinking straight,"

He wanted to answer her, but he couldn't speak, his throat tight and dry from the lack of liquids.

"If you keep running, you'll never live a happy life again. If you go back, we can work this out, together."

"Together?" he muttered, watching as Effy's fingers intertwined with his. "You'll be with me if we go home?"

She didn't move, her eyes staring into Cook's, their thoughts locked in a moment that neither of them could quite explain. He wanted to move forwards and kiss her, but he waited for a sign that she wanted it too.

"If we go home, I'll consider being with you," she sighed, pulling their hands between them and kissing the bruises on the hand he'd used to punch Freddie.

In a moment he'd moved forwards; their lips colliding with passion and lust. His body resting over her, pushing her down until she lay beneath him. Their bodies pressed together, skin to skin. They hastily removed clothes, letting more and more skin touch as their bodies heated up and sent them into a world of their own, where passion and sex was everything and their worries were a million miles away.

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**AN: Thanks so much for reading, please review and tell me what you think, as you have read, it's going places now, making progress and all that, so I'm going to begin tying it up in the near future probably.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Notes: Thank you all sooooo much for your patience, I have now completed 2 major final assignments, other than two more due in a couple of weeks, I have a bit of free time (I need a breal), so here we are, another chapter. I hope you enjoy...thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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The club was loud, so loud that Emily couldn't hear herself think. It was the perfect atmosphere to forget about her problems and drown her sorrows in shot after shot. She swayed her body to the music, trying to forget the few words she didn't think she'd ever forgive her sister for saying.

"I wish Cook would find you and hurt you like you let him hurt Freddie,"

Katie was angry, no she was beyond angry, an indescribable level of anger that Emily had never witnessed on her sister. It was only to be expected, but it didn't hurt any less.

"I'm sorry," she'd tried to say, but the more she muttered it, the emptier it became.

While Emily was eating dinner, Katie had left the house, gone on a 'night out with some friends.'

"I'm sure they're a different set of friends," their mother made a point of saying, as though she felt the need to justify Katie going out without her. But Emily knew the truth; Katie was making a statement.

For the first time in her life, she decided to go out alone. It wasn't difficult to figure out which bar Katie and "some friends" would be at as they had two usual haunts and one was always better at the weekend.

*

The music was pumping through the room, passing through her body as the bass invaded her ears. She downed another shot and let the liquid slide painfully down her throat.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

The unmistakable sound of her twin sister made her turn around. She took a step back as Katie pushed herself so close she could almost feel her breathing.

"If you insist on going out without me, you leave me no other choice," Emily muttered, feeling angry.

"Nobody wants you here,"

"I beg to differ," Emily groaned, "The music wants me here, oh and I bet that cute barwoman doesn't mind my presence,"

She was beginning to slur her words, the amount of alcohol taking over. She suddenly felt surrounded and as she turned on the spot the faces of her friends and girlfriend came into view. She hadn't seen any of them in over a week, not since that night by the river. She remembered the welcoming faces greeting her with such warmth. The memory came crashing down as she noticed the cold, angry look from each and every one of them. She felt like a victim, surrounded by bullies. But she knew the only victims were them; friends betrayed by one of their own. For a moment she expected the group to crowd round her and beat her to a pulp, instead they just stared, no words between them. The painful stares of friends who hated her, who hated what she had done. She wondered if a physical beating would be less painful. But she accepted her punishment and pushed past Katie on the way to the exit.

*

It was always to be expected; the moment she kept Cook's secret she knew it would be revealed and her friends would have an opinion. She imagined shouting, screaming, everything but silence. As she rushed down the street away from the club all she could picture was Naomi's face. It hadn't been like the others. There wasn't anger that sat so comfortably on everyone else's faces. Instead there was disappointment and hurt. Something she felt too easily herself. It cut deep, deeper than the anger; that, she had expected, but the hurt in Naomi's eyes made her want to curl up in a ball and cry. Instead, as rain began to fall, she held her head as high as she could and continued her journey home.

*

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There was a loud beeping. It was piercing, droning through the ears, not stopping for a second. Cook knew it was only the machines; beeping as they kept Freddie's limp body alive. It had been hard to think about what he had done, difficult to process the hurt he had caused everyone he knew. But nothing prepared him for the moment he would see the damage in all its horrible glory. Freddie was stable, according to the doctor who left the room a moment earlier. He was probably going to be okay, over the worst. But Cook wondered how it could have been worse than it currently was.

"I'm going to find a toilet," Effy whispered, her voice laced with pain, so faint underneath Cook's shield of guilt. He just nodded, barely aware of her quick departure.

"Mate," he gasped, reaching out to touch Freddie's fingers. Skin on skin; he felt, if it was even possible, worse. He had hugged Freddie many times, he wasn't afraid to touch the people he cared about, but as he pulled his hand away, he felt scared to touch him again. He wanted to apologise, he wanted to explain his stupidity, his blind moment. But words were never his strong point when it really mattered. He felt a lump catch in his throat, threatening to push tears from his eyes.

"James Cook," a voice whispered.

He didn't know how long he'd been there, or how long he waited before turning at the sound of the voice. He didn't even realise the consequences of his being there. But then his eyes met the small black wallet that opened in front of the suited man.

"Detective Inspector Palo, Avon and Somerset Police,"

Gut instinct sunk in, taking over his bodily movement while his mind was still trying to catch up. He moved around, searching for another escape route as the police officer stood in front of the only door he could see. It was no use. A uniformed officer wrapped his arms around Cook's body as the man who introduced himself pulled his wrists into a pair of handcuffs. He was talking, reading him his rights Cook assumed, but he couldn't process everything quick enough. Until his eyes met Effy's; two deep, sad eyes staring back at him. He watched her swap places with him as he was pulled towards the door. He stared as she reached a hand out to Freddie, tears flowing down her cheeks. She was holding his hand, but she was staring at Cook as she spoke.

"I'm sorry, I had to,"

The words stabbed him, pushed their sharp edges into his skin at every angle, in every place. He collapsed against the officer as the lump finally found its way out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He could barely breathe as he processed the betrayal from the girl he thought had loved him. One final glance into her regretful sight and he was dragged from the door, kicking and screaming like a small child.

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**AN: Thanks for reading, I would really like to know what you though about this chapter and about the story in general, any comments are good. Just press that lovely reply button below...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Notes: Thanks for the reviews, I hope you're enjoying the story and I hope you like this chapter...it is in penultimate one, the next chapter will be last as this story finally comes to a close. It's been an interesting one to write that's for sure, I can't wait to share the final chapter and hopefully you'll enjoy reading this one.**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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Two pale eyelids cracked open before closing again, the eyes flickered, adjusting to the light in the room. Emily stood over the bed, staring into the two eyes that finally opened fully. There was a shared look of confusion as Freddie groaned.

"Katie?" he asked, staring her down, a wonderment over her presence.

"It's Emily," she informed him.

"Emily, what are you...?" he began to mutter, before noticing his surroundings. "Where am I?"

"Have you not woken up before now?" Emily gasped, before leaving him alone in search of a nurse.

After a while she was allowed to re-enter the room. She took tentative steps, moving closer, fearful of what he might say or do.

"I heard someone mistook me for a cow, don't think I'd taste very good though, do you?"

She tried to laugh at his joke, but she felt guilty. He had spent several days in a hospital bed with no recollection of the events that led to his hospitalisation. She was about to open her mouth, hoping to explain her side of what happened before anyone else did it for her, when the door opened and a small crowd entered.

"Shh JJ, its a hospital not a theme park, you shouldn't talk here," Katie warned, an annoyed tone in her voice.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's a library, in hospital you can talk as much as you like, especially in the psychiatric wards,"

"JJ, shut up, you're not talking you're shouting," Katie snapped, sending JJ into silence. He was the first to see them, to spot Emily perched on the edge of Freddie's bed waiting for the moment to tell him that she had created a whole host of problems. But Katie's high pitched voice interrupted.

"What the fuck are you doing in Freddie's hospital room? You're well out of line, this is a hospital, not somewhere to get rid of guilt, you wanna confess, go to a vicar," Katie snapped, speaking louder than usual.

"No shouting," JJ muttered, emulating her own request earlier, "And it's Priests that hold confessions, not Vicars."

"Whatever," Katie muttered, turning back to Emily with a raised eyebrow. "Are you gonna tell him what you did or shall I?"

"What are you talking about?" Freddie muttered, looking at all the faces staring back at him.

"Freddie, I have something to tell you," she began, tears forming in the back of her throat, "The night, when you...when Cook stabbed you, I saw it happen, but I didn't tell anyone,"

Freddie's expression turned from confused, to shocked all in the space of a few seconds. Emily waited in anticipation, Katie breathing down her neck, obviously waiting just as hard.

"Did you call an ambulance or did you leave me to die?" he asked.

"What does that matter?" Katie snapped, folding her arms across her chest in frustration.

Freddie ignored Katie, looking to Emily for an answer.

"I called an ambulance," she whispered, daring to look up at her friends.

"The doctor said that I nearly died," Freddie sighed, "If I'm not mistaken, Emily, you saved my life,"

"Saved your life?" Katie cried out, "She fucking left you for dead,"

"For once in your life Katie, shut your fucking mouth," Freddie shouted.

Emily wanted to laugh at her sister being put firmly in her place, instead she just smiled at Freddie.

"Thank you...for not hating me,"

"Nothing to hate you for Ems," he smiled, much to Katie's annoyance.

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The hard wooden panel they claimed was a bed was hard and uncomfortable beneath him. The edge dug into the backs of his knees as he sat waiting. He didn't know how long he had been sat there, or how long he would have to wait for something, or someone to appear. The light from the tiny window in the corner was fading quickly as the dark night forced it's way into his tiny cell. Cook looked around at the four walls; drab, grey and mostly uninviting. He wandered if the harsh conditions were part of the punishment of sitting in a police cell.

"When the fuck am I getting out of here?" he shouted out, hoping someone would hear him, frustration building up as he felt trapped in his own mind.

His punishment fit his crime. He knew it was his own actions that brought him to the cell, that put him in the police station in the first place. Cook felt a draft reach his lower arms and he regretted not wearing a jacket when he'd turned up at the hospital. He stood up and walked around the cell, running a finger along the cold walls; after barely a minute he'd reached his starting point. He lifted up his knees and began jogging on the spot, hoping to build up some natural warmth as he lifted his knees faster, pumping blood around his body.

No one came. No one replied to his shouting. He wondered if they had forgotten he was there, forgotten that he was sat in the cell freezing his arse off. A small light in the centre of the room flickered on as darkness finally took over.

"Fucking pigs," he mumbled, resting two hands against one of the walls and leaning there for a moment.

The pain and guilt he felt for Freddie had disappeared into oblivion. He didn't know where they'd gone or why they weren't inside of him anymore, but he was thankful. The constant feeling of sickness had gone, replaced with an emptiness that he knew he couldn't fill. Effy's eyes were still imprinted in the back of his mind as he remembered being dragged from the hospital room. She lied. She never wanted him. She didn't care about him. She had fucked him so that she could get him to go home. She had done everything, just to return to Freddie. The empty feeling was quickly replaced with anger, a deep thread of anger that ran through him, forcing it's way into every vein and artery, pumping around his body at top speed.

"FUCKING BITCH!" he screamed out, pulling back, before pushing both his fists into the concrete wall.

Another scream fell from his lips when his hands began to throb. He collapsed in a heap on the floor, his knuckles bleeding, his face covered in thick tears that wouldn't stop flowing. The anger he felt was melting away, flowing out of his body in the same way that the blood from his knuckles was running down his fingers to the floor.

*

After what felt like eternity a pair of hands clasped around his shoulders, pulling him to his feet and pushing him back down on the cold, hard bed. He looked up, his eyes hollow, his body emptier than it had ever been. The man in front of him opened a case and started to fix up the wounds on his hands. He was talking, but Cook's mind was empty, his throat dry with dehydration and the pain in his hands was throbbing all over his body. A police officer stood in the doorway, watching the doctor fix him up, a stupid grin on his face. Cook glanced at the doctor, his dry throat cracked as he muttered something.

"I'm guilty,"

He found his full voice and a second wave of anger as he reached his hands out to the doctor, clasping his fingers around his shirt collar as he pushed the man away, pushed him until his back was against the concrete wall. Cook's eyes were wild as he stared into the man's frightened expression, his voice picking up volume as he screamed into the man's face.

"I'm fucking guilty, you know I'm fucking guilty so just get me out of this fucking cell,"

Hands reached around his waist, pulling him away from the frightened man cowering against the wall. He didn't know why he'd done it, he didn't know why he'd made things a million times worse, but as the doctor and police officer disappeared and he was left sat on the cold, hard bed once more, he wondered how he would survive years when he couldn't even handle hours.

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**AN: Thanks for reading...you know what to do...if you don't, you need to press the button below this to leave a review and tell me what you thought of this story, constructive criticism is accepted, so go for it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Notes: Thank you for the wonderful reviews, I really love reading them and it's nice to know when people are enjoying reading, or even if they're not, lol.**

**WARNING: This chapter may upset some people, so be warned.**

**Disclaimer: I own Skins...if you believe that, you'll believe that I invented chocolate and own six aeroplanes. (I of course do not own Skins, boo hoo hoo.)**

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Placing a shot on the table Emily dropped into the seat beside her sister. She looked around at the group, thankful they'd accepted her back so easily after Freddie's inability to hate her. But Katie was still catching up. She scowled at Emily and pushed the shot towards her.

"I don't want your guilty drink,"

"Guilty drink?" Emily laughed, "It's a shot, just fucking drink it."

But Katie was stubborn and she wasn't easily won over. So Emily took the shot and downed it in one go, hoping the burning liquid would help her to block out her sister's behaviour. She knew she'd come around eventually but she was sick of waiting.

"I thought this was supposed to be a party, why do you all look so miserable?" Freddie asked, standing at the end of the table.

The group stood up, greeting him with hugs and well wishes. It was great to see him somewhere other than the hospital and it was a relief to Emily that he was near enough fully recovered. He might have been unable to blame her, but she still felt somewhat guilty for what she did.

"Hey Effy," Naomi muttered, catching Emily's attention as she saw the brunette standing behind Freddie, her eyes deeper than she'd ever seen them.

Nobody had seen Effy since she'd returned home with Cook, there were rumours that she'd been ill; depressed, but Freddie had quickly quashed them. She had merely decided that she "wanted a break" from everyone and everything after what happened. It was understandable really. Cook's actions had affected everybody in one way or another, particularly Freddie and Effy. The group sat around the table drinking heavily, playing games to pass the time as the one thing that was on everyone's mind was pushed to the edges of their lives. They weren't going to let Cook get in the way of their happiness anymore. But when silence spread amongst them, JJ filled it in the only way he knew how; by putting his foot in his mouth.

"I wonder how long Cook will go to prison for,"

The silence returned, forcing tension between them as they were dropped on the other side of a void that had no bridge for return. No one wanted to speak, no one wanted to admit that they had thought about Cook's sentencing. It had shocked them all that he had admitted his guilt and was going straight to sentencing. But no one would talk about it. After a few minutes Freddie cracked a joke, taking the tension out of the night as the group disbanded towards the bar, toilets and dance floor. Cook was still on all of their minds, his actions something they would never forget. But as they danced and drank the night away, each and every one of them made a promise to themselves that after the sentencing, they would move on with their lives and forget that James Cook was ever part of them.

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Cook lay on the lumpy mattress of his prison cell bed. The room was silent, as silent as prisons were anyway. He listened to the noises around him, focusing on each sound as it passed through his ears. He used to hate silence, but after forty-eight hours of constant noises, he wished for five minutes of peace. But the noises were better than the thoughts that constantly travelled around his mind; regretful images of what he had done, friendships he'd destroyed, people's lives he'd turned upside down. His hands reached up around the sides of his face as he closed his eyes, squinting them together to block out the thoughts that were fighting their way through the noises around him.

"What's your problem?" his cellmate asked, tapping his foot as he brushed his teeth.

"Nuffin'" Cook replied, his breathing growing heavy as covered his ears, trying to block out everything.

He couldn't handle prison life, he couldn't handle having someone else constantly in his face, or people telling him what he could or couldn't do. He was a rebel by trade; he liked to smoke and drink and have sex. There was no sex in prison; not the kind he liked anyway. He was fresh meat, the new guy that veterans seemed to pounce on. He'd kept himself to himself as much as possible, barely leaving his bed, except when forced. But he couldn't keep that up for three years.

_"I'm sorry, I had to,"_

Effy's words danced into his mind, parading themselves around like a carrot on a stick, taunting him until he wanted to scream and shout. But he never did. Every sound he made was inward, his chest expanding with every scream that ran through his body, tightening the muscles in his chest, stopping his normal breathing. He was in hell. He was living in hell with no way out. He'd admitted his guilt, he'd opened the stable door without realising the horse would leave. This was his life now. Surrounded by men, trapped in a building twenty-four seven. He'd heard the other prisoners talk about visiting day; an event that everyone seemed to look forward to. But Cook knew that nobody would visit him. His mum and dad were both gone, Effy didn't want him and his friends probably hated him after what he'd done. He used to be a loner; embracing his life alone, without family, with no one to care about him unconditionally. Now he craved the love of his friends, he'd taken it all for granted and he'd shit it all away.

"I can't fucking do this," he muttered, provoking a strange glance from his cellmate. But he didn't say anything to him, he didn't ask if he was okay, he didn't care whether he was or not. This was his life; lonely, uncontrollable.

The cellmate left, disappearing off to his job of the day. Cook knew he should probably make an effort, attempt to leave his bed for once. But what did it matter anyway? Nobody would notice if he was out there, nobody would notice if he wasn't. Nobody cared either way. He stared at the ceiling, watching a spider crawl along the heating pipes that travelled along the centre of the room. Control was a funny thing. His life had spiralled out of it, taking away his power of almost every single thing. Except one. He climbed out of his bed and stripped it, throwing his pillow and blanket across the room hastily. Decisions had to be made quickly. He didn't know if it was because he was scared that someone would catch him, that someone would stop him. Or whether he was scared he'd back out. There was no other choice. He could rot in jail, spending his life with a bunch of killers and thieves, or he could change everything.

*

The small chair beneath his feet wobbled as he stood upright. His mind was racing with anticipation, with fear, with dread, with regret, with guilt. But most importantly, with hope. He hoped that everything would be okay. He hoped for something on the other side. He hoped for forgiveness from the people he'd loved the most. Every single person he knew had left him; his mum, his dad and now his friends were no longer part of his life. But he wondered if they would miss him, if they would grieve for the friend they had once had, for the times they had shared, for the happy months they had all spent together. For a moment he thought about changing his mind, turning back and adapting to his new life. But before he could think about it further he slipped the bed sheet around his neck and kicked the chair from under his feet as he took his final breath.

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**AN: Thanks for reading this story, it has been a bit of a challenge for me and it was always a bit of a risky story in terms of where it started and now where it's ended. I hope you enjoyed the story, despite the unhappy ending. Thanks again for reading and reviewing this story and I would really like to know your thoughts on how this ended up. Also...I'm sorry!  
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